After the babies were born they were immediately worked on by the NICU team that was sent down to the OR for my delivery. Sadly, I was not able to see Grady in the OR. But, a nurse wrapped Wren up and let Tom hold her and he brought her to me so I could see her. I got to kiss Wren on the cheek and then the NICU nurses took the babies up to the 7th floor to the NICU to continue being worked on.
Dr. Nightingale finished my operation and I was wheeled back to my labor and delivery room to recover for a bit before being taken to my "mom and baby" room on the 5th floor. Tom was allowed to go up to the NICU to see the babies around 10pm. I, however, did not get to see them until the next morning around 10am when Tom wheeled me up to their room on the 7th floor. The first thing I asked when I saw them was, "When can I hold them?" Grady's nurse said I could go ahead and hold him. I was not expecting that response because they were so small and hooked up to so many wires, IVs, and a CPAP machine to help them breath. The nurse got Grady out of his little bed and carefully handed him to me. I began crying and was overcome with so many emotions.
Despite the incredible joy of having babies, I had to work through and essentially grieve the loss of the rest of my pregnancy, a "normal" delivery experience, and grieve over not being able to immediately bond with my babies after they were born. For many days I didn't even feel like the babies' mom because they had to stay isolated in incubators and I could only hold them for short amounts of time. I know, it sounds quite odd to grieve at a typically joyous time but it's honestly how I felt.
Wren ended up staying in the NICU for 28 days [May 6, 2012 - June 3, 2012] and Grady stayed for 30 days [May 6, 2012 - June 6, 2012]. Having two premature children in the hospital, recovering from a C-Section that got infected, pumping 9 times a day, dealing with a myriad of post-partum emotions, and dealing with a few other trials that cropped up along the way was incredibly difficult to say the least. There were definitely dark days with many tearful breakdowns. The worst breakdown occurred the Tuesday night before we were able to bring Grady home. My heart was physically hurting because I missed Grady so much. After Wren was released, we decided to divide and conquer in that Tom would be the parent to go be with Grady while I stayed home to take care of Wren. It was extremely bittersweet. I was so happy to have Wren home but I missed Grady so much. I had never before experienced the feeling of having my heart in two places at one time.
I am so incredibly grateful that despite their difficult beginning, I have 2 striving and healthy miracle babies who I could not be more in love with.
We will forever be indebted to our supportive family and friends who prayed for us, went grocery shopping for us, arranged for our house to be cleaned, dropped off home-cooked meals and snacks, gave us restaurant and gas station gift-cards, and provided encouraging texts, phone calls, and emails.
I want to individually thank my mom. She has been my angel through all of this. She anticipated and met so many of my/our needs. She drove me to the NICU nearly everyday that Tom couldn't, did our laundry, ran numerous errands, and was my right hand. I don't know what I would have done without her constant support. I love you Mom!
Despite the incredible joy of having babies, I had to work through and essentially grieve the loss of the rest of my pregnancy, a "normal" delivery experience, and grieve over not being able to immediately bond with my babies after they were born. For many days I didn't even feel like the babies' mom because they had to stay isolated in incubators and I could only hold them for short amounts of time. I know, it sounds quite odd to grieve at a typically joyous time but it's honestly how I felt.
Wren ended up staying in the NICU for 28 days [May 6, 2012 - June 3, 2012] and Grady stayed for 30 days [May 6, 2012 - June 6, 2012]. Having two premature children in the hospital, recovering from a C-Section that got infected, pumping 9 times a day, dealing with a myriad of post-partum emotions, and dealing with a few other trials that cropped up along the way was incredibly difficult to say the least. There were definitely dark days with many tearful breakdowns. The worst breakdown occurred the Tuesday night before we were able to bring Grady home. My heart was physically hurting because I missed Grady so much. After Wren was released, we decided to divide and conquer in that Tom would be the parent to go be with Grady while I stayed home to take care of Wren. It was extremely bittersweet. I was so happy to have Wren home but I missed Grady so much. I had never before experienced the feeling of having my heart in two places at one time.
I am so incredibly grateful that despite their difficult beginning, I have 2 striving and healthy miracle babies who I could not be more in love with.
We will forever be indebted to our supportive family and friends who prayed for us, went grocery shopping for us, arranged for our house to be cleaned, dropped off home-cooked meals and snacks, gave us restaurant and gas station gift-cards, and provided encouraging texts, phone calls, and emails.
I want to individually thank my mom. She has been my angel through all of this. She anticipated and met so many of my/our needs. She drove me to the NICU nearly everyday that Tom couldn't, did our laundry, ran numerous errands, and was my right hand. I don't know what I would have done without her constant support. I love you Mom!
What an amazing and touching story Sara! Thank you for sharing!! You are truly an inspiration girl!! Super, big Congratulations! XO
ReplyDeleteThanks Emily! We are so blessed!
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